Hard of Understanding

After recent visits in quick succession from the mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and Npower (after 6 visits I'm classing them as a cult) I've decided that there is only one way forward. I'm going to start my own religion.

But where do I start?

So far:
I've had a vision; but it was at the bottom of a wine glass.
I can antagonise complete strangers within 5 seconds by pontificating and patronising.
I'm always on the look out for virgins.
I'm in a near constant battle with friends and family to extract 10% from them.
Me and my brother have come to blows, but not actually tried to kill each other yet.
I can alienate friends and family at the drop of a hat.

Actually, I'm showing all the qualities need to be a mormon or Scientologist.

Bugger.

Good Morning

You're half right!

What's the matter with you?

Trying to kick the habit!

OOOOOOh nasty! that reminds me, have you seen that story about how the Advertising Standards Agency have announced that the Department of Health broke industry rules with it's "unhooked" campaign?

Unhooked?

Y'know, the one with people being dragged around by a fishing line?

Oh that, thought it was great! Pity though, every time I see one of those type of ads I just want a cig afterwards!

Go figure!

So anyway, what rules did those naughty boys and girls at DoH break.

Scaring children.

What!?!

Apparently the images were enough to scare children.

So?

Do you not like children or something?

No, I mean yes, I mean..... forget it. The images scared kids?

Yes....

And would potentially scare them from smoking?

Er, well now you mention it......

So who was complaining?

Parents.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Not that I'm at all bitter or begrudging, but in general I have difficult relationships with service companies.

So I'm looking round at an alternative supplier. And stumbled across this quote from BT Wholesale,

"99.8% of homes in the UK are enabled to receive broadband. That's more than can receive running water."

Think that gives a pretty good analogy of some people's priorities!