Hard of Understanding

In general there is nothing lower than BT Broadband.

However the visitor to darken my doorstep last night was.

The person in question, podgy and very stupid looking (childish I know but he was a twat) banged on my door several times until I submitted and made an effort to answer it.

When I opened it he introduced himself as being from Style and offering free quotations on PVC windows and doors.

Upon a brief look around my bright white front door which I still had hold of, and my front windows pretty close by, I made sure I sounded like I was stating the fucking obvious when I said,

"I've already got them thanks."

Now, to his credit, he didn't give up there, though in hindsight he should have done,

"But are you thinking of changing any of them?"

This I didn't expect, and was mildly irritated by his insistence when my brush off was a big enough hint. So I rose to his challenge,

"Why, what's wrong with my windows!?!"

This had him stuttering, so I made his apologies and closed the door before he could try anymore amateur tricks.

It's at times like that that I miss the Mormons not knocking anymore (think I've been blacklisted, though got two copies of the Book of Mormon in mint condition if anyone wants one)

But, it was only after the slimy little git had slithered off I actually realised what he'd said. He was trying to sell to me a couple of blokes to come round and offer me a "no obligation" quote in a few days. Then it hit me, and then I really got on one.

The slimy little shit, and his company were trying to skirt cold selling laws by calling first to offer visits.

This really pissed me off. I'm big on ethics and transparency, so whilst I was in the middle of a bollocking for "picking on a poor bloke just doing his job" I figured I was in fact right and made a point of it (no sex for me that evening)

But I'm still wound up now. I have grandparents in their late 70's and they enjoy the company, but also don't like to say no to nice people, so when I see these gobshites, all I can see is them manipulating people like my grandparents.

Scum

I keep getting bloody e-mails from Christ knows who, who want to be my friend.

Now, I don't mind people wanting to be my friend (after all my facebook account only has family members sniff!) but these bastards are wasting my time.

I'm happy with my penis length - and my partner keeps insisting that it is fine!

I do not wish to sponsor a goat in some back and beyond territory!

I do not have a pic of me on my blog - mainly because my senior management team would recognise and sack me! - but you have no pic, no posts, no blogs and "speaks english." Well whoop dee fu$%!"g do, I wanna be your friend!

If this is people's idea of friendship then I'm happy with acquaintances!!!

I wouldn't describe myself as religious - because I'm not.

I've never understood religion - I prefer to refer to it as a much more heavy version of the Brothers Grimm (although the necrophilia story was interesting.)

I find that some religious folk and I share similar views on each other:

They pity me as I have no faith.
I pity them as they blindly believe in something that essentially puts us in the biggest version of Sim City that you'll ever see.

They quote a lot from their "special books" (thankyou Marcus Brigstocke for my favourite new religious term)
I quote a lot from my favourite books (In particular the Big Book of Insults, and Book of Management Bollocks)

They believe that religion peaceful.
I believe that it is one of the reasons for some of the biggest fights and wars.

and on and on and on ad infinitum.

But, listening to The Now Show last week, there was 7 minutes 20 seconds of some of the best satirical comedy that I have heard in a long time.

It came from the mouth of Marcus Brigstocke and I would recommend that anybody and everybody listen.

Listen here. (video effects added by someone else.)

A few months ago, our friendly (and I mean that sincerely in the case of ours) EHO popped in to do a spot check.

Whilst going through the place with a fine tooth comb, she pointed out a jet wash that was sat idly in the stock room.

"Do you have an RCD for that?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's petrol powered."

The rest of the visit didn't go quite as well!

Perhaps someone could clear up for me one of those little mysteries.

If an average size (or smaller) woman has an enthusiastic, happy personality they are known mostly as friendly, or mad in some cases.

But if the lady is of a larger size, why are they called bubbly?

Over on one of my other blogs, Golden Arches, one of my entries was about the petition that has been put out by McD to change the definition of the McJob.

This was one of the comments:

mcdonalds is all bullshit ive worked there a long time and i hate every minute mcjob is deffo the correct definition, they should add soul destroying to it, salaried managers and ops managers know fuck all

Charming. As a salaried manager for Mc's I didn't take this at all personally! But managed to put this aside for my reply (big of me eh?)

There was one worrying thing about the person's reply: if they hate their job so much why the hell were they still in it?

Many people have issues with their job, but to have such an issue, and still be there is mind boggling!

I've had more than one occasion when I've considered walking but, apart from mortgage commitments, I've stayed and rode the rough patches out.

Makes me wonder though; for salaried managers McDonald's pays the top rate in the industry. Entry level it pays like everyone else.

If you've got such an issue in McD then one of three things is wrong:
1. The salaried team have got issues.
2. You have been victimised in some way.
3. You have the wrong idea of working at McDonald's.

Well, this is how it works.

1. The handbook shows you how do deal with salaried issues, as does the anonymous Viewpoint survey which starts next week.
2. All salaried are trained to operate an "open door" policy. If this fails then see point one.
3. OOOOOOO my favourite!!! The number of people that I've been through that think that working behind the golden arches is an easy ride is unbelievable!!!! There are procedures and systems in place to make your eyes water, but all with food safety in mind; and when these jokers realise that they don't get their own way they sulk.

Considering just how many people in the ops hierarchy he has an issue with, I know where my money is.

That's just the way it sometimes goes.

But, it makes you wonder; just how many people stay in jobs they don't like when they could easily find another one.

As a part-time smoker the ban really doesn't make that much difference to me; but, by the same token neither does others smoking near me (unless I'm eating.)

Take the story of the Kent Vicar who walked into his local police station, lit up and demanded to be arrested. He mention liberties at some point as well as all the other things that could potentially kill us all.

This message goes out to all smokers who think that the ban impinges their civil liberties:

Smokers are in a minority. Democracy is a bugger I know, but tough.
The tax on cigs does not pay for your extra health care that you will need for your habit. It falls short - a long way short.
There is no right to smoke in an enclosed public place - just like there is no right to drive, watch telly etc etc.

So we, yes WE, have to go outside to smoke. guess I'll have to live with that or give up.

And as for Vicar Dibbly, as 2nd hand smoke has been proven to kill, which of the commandments deals with killing again?

Well in some circumstances yes. But are they necessary in all locations in which they are situated, and what are the alternatives?

My thinking behind this is fairly simple, last week the traffic lights at the end of my road failed and were out for 4 days. The lights are at a four way junction with an average of 100 cars per hour off peak.

I expected pandemonium, road rage and for the rule book to be thrown out of the window.

But instead I was fairly surprised by what I actually saw.

By the lights failing there was no direction, but unlike any other traffic control measure, there was no specific right of way either so every driver had to approach the junction as an equal and it was up to common courtesy to direct how things went.

And, in general, it worked! People mostly approched the junction with a greater degree of caution, respected other road users in a way that you commonly wouldn't see, there was no dash through before the lights changed, there were no accidents!

It was totally bizarre. And not only that, because there was no official stopping or starting, the traffic actually moved more freely.

So the question is, are traffic controls always needed, or are can we actually be trused to deal and navigate around certain junctions in an amiable way without expensive signals? I think so.

So just about every news agency is saying that the Terror Suspects all have links to NHS.

Obviously MRSA wasn't working fast enough.