I keep getting bloody e-mails from Christ knows who, who want to be my friend.

Now, I don't mind people wanting to be my friend (after all my facebook account only has family members sniff!) but these bastards are wasting my time.

I'm happy with my penis length - and my partner keeps insisting that it is fine!

I do not wish to sponsor a goat in some back and beyond territory!

I do not have a pic of me on my blog - mainly because my senior management team would recognise and sack me! - but you have no pic, no posts, no blogs and "speaks english." Well whoop dee fu$%!"g do, I wanna be your friend!

If this is people's idea of friendship then I'm happy with acquaintances!!!